Schizophrenia
by TeniPuri-nya
Summary: Lucy has a secret- she's schizophrenic. Fried knows, and her spirits know, but before it can be revealed to any one else (save Master Makarov) an accident happens. Poor Lucy.
1. Chapter 1

**Unfortunately, I am not Hiro Mashima.**

**Note: I am in no way trying to look down upon schizophrenics. I respect them, they endure a lot every day. Please do not take it lightly, and I apologize if it seems like I am doing that. If this offends anyone, I will remove this fic. **

Chapter One

Lucy hums quietly to herself as she reaches up her hand to the books. It is kind of master to let her down here in the library for the afternoon, since the rest of Team Natsu was busy; Erza went on an S-Class mission (but keep it a secret from Natsu, okay?), Natsu and Lisanna were on a regular mission, and Gray was dragged away by Juvia and Lyon. She isn't really lonely by herself, not while she's surrounded by books. Besides, it's nice to have some peace and quiet every now and then, since she is in peril on a daily basis….

Her hand skims the spines of books as she walks along the rows, her eyes reading the titles, and occasionally stopping to read the summary of an interesting-looking book every once in a while. A particular book spine catches her eye; it seems familiar in an odd sort of way when she pulls it out half-way. She recognizes it with a gasp, jerking her hand back and letting it fall to the floor.

Shaken, she averts her gaze and moves on, her mind in turmoil, willing herself to calm down she runs her hands through her hair and drops to the floor.

'_You're so stupid. Look at you; stupid. Stupid. Pointless. Worthless. I can't stand you. Stupid. Worthless. Die. Die! Look at you. Stupid, stupid. Pointless. Worthless. Stupid. Worthless. Stupid.'_

Another voice joins with the raspy baritone, and she curls into the fetal position and starts rocking back and forth.

Deep, controlled breathing now enters the cacophony and a tenor joins in the fray, muttering nonsensical babblings, although her hands were now clutching at her ears as if that would make the voices disappear.

'_Stupid._

_I can't stand you._

_Why are you still here?_

_Pointless._

_Worthless._'

"Stop! Stop it! Go away! Please, _go away_!" Lucy shouts frantically, fat tears falling from her eyes.

"Lucy-san?" The real voice doesn't reach her in her hallucination. "Lucy-san?" It's louder this time, but Lucy still doesn't seem to hear it.

The owner of the voice crouches down next to Lucy, an arm hovering hesitantly over her shoulders. Lucy, still lost to the real world, starts shaking uncontrollably; the voices get louder and more persistent, saying more hateful things.

Then all at once, the hallucination goes away leaving a trembling Lucy.

"Lucy-san?" the voice asks again, and Lucy hears it this time, a vaguely familiar sound. She shrinks farther into herself, the only indication the voice was heard. "Lucy-san, are you alright?"

Lucy takes a few deep, even breaths before responding. "Yes, Fried-san. I'm okay. Thank you," she says, albeit unevenly.

"Can you get up? Do you need me to call Wendy? What happened?" asks a concerned Fried, asking an unusual amount of questions for his normal nature.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," Lucy answers as she tries, unsuccessfully, to stand up. Fried immediately steadies her, saying, "No, you are not fine. I'm taking you to Wendy."

"No!" It comes out sharper than Lucy intends, and she backtracks, "No, really. This has happened before. I only need some rest."

'It has?' Fried thinks. He dismisses the thought for later and says instead, "Well at least let me escort you to your apartment. Or the infirmary, if you can't make it."

"I can make it just fine by myself, Fried-san," insists a wincing Lucy, as she tries to take a step and stumbles. "Ah, forget it. Fine, I'll let you walk me home."

Fried smirks internally, "You're too stubborn for your own good. I suppose it's a good thing you're in Fairy Tail, then."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lucy huffs, leaning shakily on Fried as they exit the library. As if realizing her situation, she groans. "Oh, what's Mira-san going to think?"

"Well, knowing her…" Fried trails off in amusement, watching the blonde sag in defeat. "But what I'd worry about is your team."

"Ah! That's right," Lucy says in annoyance. "Please don't tell anyone what happened. I don't want them to worry."

"Well, what _did_ happen? You even said that this has happened before!" Fried demands. Frankly, it scares Lucy a little. She's not used to a Fried like this, he's usually so stoic and quiet, unless with Laxus, of course. Although, there was that one time, during the S-Class trials….

She frowns, gathering her courage to face him. "It was nothing. Just a small attack, I've had worse."

"Worse _what_?" Fried knows that he's not acting like himself, but he can't explain why, maybe because he still owes it to Fairy Tail, for taking him back again and Laxus at that. He owes it to them to take care of their beloved celestial maiden.

"Worse…! Never mind," Lucy looks away quickly, walking while leaning on the wall for support.

Fried sighs and catches up with her, putting one of her arms around his shoulders and holding her up by her waist.

"Hey, don't hold me like this! I can walk!" Lucy struggles in his grip, which is surprisingly strong.

Sighing again, he lets her go after taking a few steps and instead just lets her lean on him like before.

Walking out of the hallway, they're both relieved to see Mira absent from the bar for the time being and not very many people in the guild hall, much less paying attention. They continue walking that way for the rest of the way and stop outside Lucy's apartment.

"So…"

"So…" Lucy repeats. "Would you like to come in, Fried-san? It looks like rain is on its way."

Fried widens his eyes in surprise as, right when Lucy finished talking, rain started falling. "Well, I'd love to."

Lucy quickly shuts the door behind him and they go up the stairs together, stopping in front of Lucy's door.

"Would you really like to know what happened?" Lucy asks quietly, so quietly that Fried had to strain to hear.

"Yes, please. If you don't mind, Lucy-san."

Lucy leads him into her apartment, seating him at the table and putting a pot of water on the stove.

"Tea?"

"Hm? Oh, sure, thank you."

"I hope you don't mind rosemary."

"I have no preference."

A sort of awkward silence falls upon them once Lucy is seated at the table herself, across from Fried.

"If I'm going to tell you this, then I have a request for you. Two, actually," Lucy starts. "One, call me Lucy. You have the right nobody else does if you're going to hear it. And please don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

Fried ponders her conditions for a moment. "I will comply with the first one, if you call me Fried in response.—" Lucy smiles briefly—" and I will not tell anyone, as long as it is possible to be kept a secret."

"I suppose I'll have to settle for that then?" Lucy asks with a wry smile. "Alright then." She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. "I have… a mental illness. Schizophrenia."

Silence reigns in her home, only broken by the forgotten kettle boiling.

"Schizo…phrenia," Fried repeats slowly. "So…"

"So I hallucinate. My form of schizophrenia is not as bad as it could be, but I'm not completely safe either. Today, in the library, I heard voices, that you didn't. I have other attacks like those, sometimes I hallucinate images. Sometimes I feel a sort of phantom pain. It varies from time to time. I used to have some medicine to ward off the attacks, but I've used them up now," Lucy finishes, looking down into her lap.

"So, you've been almost a year at Fairy Tail, and nobody has notice this?" Lucy is surprised to hear the indifference in Fried's voice.

"Yes. But I repress the signs, so it's not obvious. Now that the medicine's gone, though, I'm probably going to start losing myself. I may have to leave Fairy Tail, even."

"No."

"What?" Lucy looks up in confusion.

"No. I said, no. You aren't going to leave Fairy Tail just because you have schizophrenia."

"Why stay, though? Why should I stay just to let the others see my mind deteriorating? Why should I make them suffer through each and every one of my attacks alongside me, until I finally go insane?"

"Because. We're family. We won't let you go crazy, and I won't let you leave Fairy Tail. Isn't there anymore medicine left, somewhere?"

Lucy smiles, pleasantly surprised by Fried's determination. "Only at my father's mansion, though. He was the one who ordered the medicine so I don't know where to get it myself. But I've held on to myself for so long already. I ran out of the medicine about two weeks ago. I'm just not going back there again."

"Well then I'll go there by myself." Fried's gaze meets Lucy's evenly, although he's not sure who's more surprised by his proposition.

"No, I can't let you," Lucy says after a moment. A high-pitched whistling sounds throughout the apartment, ending their staring contest, and Lucy gets up, pleasant smile in place. "Well, the water is ready. We can discuss this later."

**Hey people! And here ends chapter one of Schizophrenic. This was, unfortunately, unbeta-ed, so please inform me of any mistakes. A review for your thoughts?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing but the vast expanse of emptiness I call my mind. In other words, I'm crazy and I don't own fairy Tail. Boo.**

Chapter Two

Fried waves goodbye to Lucy over his shoulder, leaving after some small talk which only purpose was to wait out the rain and try to pretend the earlier events didn't happen. Or maybe to forget them, to live "normally" again. Well, that is a nice thought, at least. This newfound knowledge will probably haunt him until he – _they _find a cure, or get more of Lucy's medicine.

Deciding to head home instead of going back to the guild, he leaves Lucy's house without looking back, deep in thought. He couldn't just leave Lucy, after all, there must be something he can do to help, something that doesn't include being passive and simply keeping her secret. Lucy forbade him to go to the old mansion, as well, to see if her father had kept any of her pills. He wouldn't go against her wishes, even though he wishes so badly to do so.

Once Fried has left Lucy's sight, she goes back inside to see Loke sitting at the table, in the seat Fried had just evacuated. She groans to herself, sighs outloud and asks, "So what now?"

Loke raises an eyebrow. "How did we not know?"

Lucy sighs again and sits down across from him. "Because I haven't had an attack in years. Certainly not since I joined Fairy Tail. You're not the only one who's been kept in the dark. Aquarius, Taurus, Cancer, and Capricorn knew. I asked them to keep it a secret."

"Why?" Lucy looks up from her hands at the pain in his voice. "We all love you, Lucy. We would've tried to find a cure, and we will now. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because," Lucy says simply, "Because. You guys would have stopped at nothing to help me. _There is no cure_. I've accepted that a long time ago. As much as I love you guys, I didn't want you to worry and exhaust yourselves because of me. Don't worry, okay? Please just accept my choice."

"I won't. I won't _accept _it. But I can't do anything if you forbid me to, you know. Please, Lucy. At least let us try."

"Try for what? There is no cure! I told you that already! The only thing I can do is take my medicine!"

"Then let us go get some more! Let Fried go to your old house and find the rest of it! We, the spirits and Fairy Tail, won't just stand by and watch you suffer!"

"Well, you don't have to! Fairy Tail doesn't know, and I can leave before any of them find out! I can find new owners to take care of you! I can get through this all by myself!"

"No you can't! You need us as much as we need you! You _love_ us as much as we love you! You can't leave!"

"And why not?!"

"Because. Running away is just giving up! It's running away!"

"So why _can't_ I run away? Why can't I give up? I don't want to watch the people I love in pain because I am! It would be better for everyone if I left."

"No it wouldn't." Loke's voice is now quiet, a sudden silence from the shouting match. "I don't know why you would think that. We would worry _more_ about you if we couldn't see you. If we didn't know how you were doing. At least if you stay, we could watch over you and protect you,comfort you every time. You wouldn't be alone to suffer. We're your family, right? We don't want you to run away. Please, Lucy. Please stay. Please don't run away."

Lucy sags, tears falling from her eyes. "I'm not running away," she says, but it sounds weak even to her own ears. Loke softens at the sight and picks up Lucy to put her on her bed. He stays there, hugging her until she stops crying and falls asleep, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Please, Lucy," he says one last time, once he's sure that she's asleep, and fades back into the spirit realm.

* * *

Lucy waked up pleasantly the next morning, until she remembers the events of the past day and groans. She looks around, vaguely remembering Loke carrying her to her room and staying with her. Making a decision, she says softly, "I'm sorry, Loke. Please forgive me, Fried."

Getting up slowly, she dresses, eats, and heads out to the guild hall. Natsu and the others should be back soon, today or tomorrow. She would be there to welcome them back home. And then... and then what? Would she really leave? Would she tell them? If she left, would Fried tell them? Loke had a good point; they would be more worried about her than if she stays.

"Mira-san," she calls out, pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind. "Good morning!"

"Good morning, Lucy," Mira responds with a pleasant smile. "Are you going to go on a job soon?"

"Ugh, I have to. My rent is due soon," Lucy complains, taking a seat at the bar counter.

Mira's smile stays. "Natsu and Lisanna will be back soon. So will Erza and Gray. You guys can go on a mission once they're rested and healed. They're probably going to need the money after destroying everything again."

"Probably," Lucy chuckles. "Hey, Mira-san?"

"Yes?"

"Is... is Master Makarov in?"

"Yeah, he's in his office."

"Alright, thanks." Slowly, Lucy gets up and starts walking up the stairs. Coming to a stop outside of a door, she knocks. "Master?"

"Come in."

Lucy complies and sits down across from him. "Master, I have something to confess... I have schizophrenia." Lucy waits for Master Makarov to say something, but goes on when he remains silent. "May I have a leave of absence?"

"A leave of absence?" Honestly, Lucy expected him to say more, but she's thankful that he doesn't.

"Yes please. A yesterday, I had a schizophrenic attack. I used to have medicine, which is why I've gone so long without having an attack, but it's gone now. I've used it all up. Fried was there when it happened and he brought me back to my apartment, and I told him that there was more at my old mansion, but I forbade him from going to get it. At first, I was going to leave the guild before anyone else found out about it, but Loke convinced me not to so now I want to go get the medicine myself," Lucy explains.

"Why do you want a leave of absence, as you put it, then?"

"Because,"-Lucy diverts her gaze- "I want you to tell everyone that I've left the guild."

**A/N: Mwa-ha-ha-cough-choke-dies. I'm evil aren't I? But don't worry, there is no method to my madness. Okay, worry.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, everyone!**

**Rockin' angels: Yep, I agree. I don't think there will be too much, if at all, on Lucy's end, but here really is no method to my madness.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Please don't kill me.**

Chapter Three

"Fried!" Loke sags against Fairy Tail's guild hall's entryway.

Fried's eyes widen at the sight, a sweating Loke who looks like he's waist deep in pain and sinking deeper by the second. "Loke? What happened?" If possible, his eyes widen further. "Lucy?" The name is breathed out, the look of realization on his face startling, and he doesn't wait for Loke to respond- not that he _can_- before asking, "Where?"

"The... medicine..." is all Loke manages to get out before fading back into the spirit realm.

Cursing inwardly, Fried rushes out the door, heading in the general direction of the train station. A small, very small, part of his brain realizes how out of character he is acting, but the rest of him knows that the circumstances are unusual as well.

Schizophrenia isn't common- very rare, in fact- among mages solely because of the concentration needed to master magic. Schizophrenia distracts one's mind, therefore making the practice of magic dangerous lest one loses control over it. It is also why Loke had looked so ragged; he can open his own gate, but he still needs Lucy's mind. If Lucy has an attack, he would be hard pushed to open it on his own.

Speaking of back there, Team Natsu was still out, right? Were they on a mission? No, Lucy said something about Juvia and Lyon. It's unlikely for those two _ and _Lisanna to all be on one mission.

A moment later, he skids to a stop at the station, where a train is preparing to depart. Leaving a few Jewels on the counter, he jumps on, through the closing door, and sits back in a seat. The tension doesn't leave, but he can't do anything else at this point. He sits quietly through the ride, waiting in aggravation for the train to stop. Lucy just _ had_ to go without him, or any other person. She _had_ to not tell her team, much less the rest of Fairy Tail. It's a good thing the Heartfilia Konzern isn't too long of a train ride from Fairy Tail.

* * *

"Finally, back!" Natsu raises his arms in celebration, strolling into Fairy Tail with a huge grin. "That was fun! But it took too long."

Lisanna giggles from her spot a little ways behind him. "It was only a few days, and I'm sure Lucy enjoyed the rest."

"Welcome back, Natsu, Lisanna," Erza says, sitting at a table eating her cake. "I just got back as well. And I'm sure GRAY will be here soon."

"That's right," Natsu snickers, "Juvia dragged him on a date."

"Lyon tagged along, too, but they should've been back already," Mira offers with a smile. "They left yesterday."

Immediately, Erza goes a deep red. "Y-you mean they s-slept the night?"

"Saa, I'm sure they didn't do anything bad," Mira's perpetual smile stays, even as she's scolded lightly by her younger sister.

"Gray-sama!" The familiar voice reaches Natsu's sensitive ears and he grins again.

"Gray and Juvia are back," he announces. And sure enough, Juvia enters with hearts in her eyes, following her precious "Gray-sama". Upon seeing the rest of his team, minus Lucy and Happy, he hurries over.

"I thought I was going to kill myself," he sighs in relief. "Lyon wouldn't stop flirting with Juvia- if you can even call it that- so she wouldn't stop clinging to me, and we had to stay overnight because we missed the last train back. Can we please go on a mission soon? Just Team Natsu?" He looks imploringly at Erza, his eyes doing the begging he wouldn't be reduced to physically.

"Sorry, Gray," she says, amusement ringing her tone at his dropped face, "Natsu, Lisanna, and I just got back from a job, and Lucy... wait, where _ is_ Lucy? She stayed here."

"Lucy was just here this morning, I think she went home because she was tired," Mira says.

"Oh, can go visit her, then come on." Erza gets up having finished her cake, and leads the way to Lucy's apartment.

"Yo, Luce, we're back!" Natsu hollers into an empty apartment.

Erza frowns at the lack of response. Normally, Lucy would be kicking them out, or groaning resignedily at their intrusion. "Maybe she's asleep," Erza deduced. Gray pokes his head out of Lucy's bedroom a moment later, a negative report in the shake of his head.

"That's... odd..." Erza frowns again. "What do you think we should do, Gray?"

"Well," he says, "we could stay and wait for her to come back, or we can go back to the guild and ask around."

Erza nods, "Okay. Natsu, Lisanna, go back to the guild to look for Lucy. Gray and I will stay here in case she comes back."

"Don' wanna," Natsu manages out around the food stuffed in his mouth, "I'm eatin'."

Erza sighs, deciding to humor him. "Fine. Gray, will you go with Lisanna?"

"Sure," he replies easily, and they leave. Erza smiles in satisfaction and sinks into one of the couches to wait.

* * *

Fried hurries onto the Heartfelt estate, cursing its size. What if Lucy is injured and unable to call for help? It could take too long to find her. Damn. If only... speak of the devil.

"Excuse me," he calls out to the lone person who appears to be tending the garden.

"My, my, now what do we have here?" The elderly old lady rises, smiling kindly with closed eyes.

"Did Lucy Heartfilia pass by here a while ago?" Fried asks, skipping the usual formalities.

"Lucy-san?" The gardener puts a hand to her cheek, looking worried. "No. Should she be here?"

"Yes, ma'am. She's getting her schizophrenia medicine," he explains.

"Oh dear, I haven't seen her. In fact, I'm the one in possession of her medicine," the lady worries, "Well, I can take you to the room where she should be, if you would like."

Relief floods Fried, and he nods. "That would be wonderful..."

"You can just call me Nana," Nana smiles, motioning for Fried to follow as she leads the way into the deserted mansion.

"Thank you, Nana-san."

She simply smiles, or rather, the smile doesn't leave her wrinkled cheerful face. "My pleasure. It's not everyday a young man is so polite. Much less a handsome one looking for our dear Lucy. I remember, back in the day, when everyone was respectful and we didn't fear crime, because it didn't exist. Those were the good days. And even when my..."

* * *

"Erza!" Gray bursts into Lucy's apartment. Through the doors, for once. "Master said that Lucy left the guild!"

* * *

Nana and Fried stop, shock temporarily paralyzing them. The scene before them makes Nana tremble. It's the strangled noise coming from her throat that moves him.

"Hurry, get some medical supplies," he orders, kneeling by the unconscious and bleeding Lucy. The rustle of clothing behind him tells him that Nana obeys.

**A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long! I've barely had the chance to use the computer (my brother hogs it. Seriously, he's on it for half the day and he needs glasses now.) so I decided to post this and try to kick him off more often. I'm sorry! Oh, and I don't own Fairy Tail.**

**Is anyone else in shock about what happened in the latest chapter? I am so done with you, Hiro Mashima.**

**Amulet Skyla: yeah, don't worry. Lucy just said she left Fairy Tail as a dud to hide why she really left. I thought I should've said she went on a job or something, but this works better for what I have in mind. Thanks, I'm glad you like it. **

**One more thing, how many people would read a fic I have in mind if it's going to be a mystery/thriller and kill off a couple of characters?**


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